The Funniest Things That Actually Happened in Divorce Court

Here at Thistoo, we do a lot of research to perfect our understanding of the divorce process, likely trial outcomes, and trends in family court proceedings. Along the way, we’ve come across a few cases that are out of the ordinary, to say the least. Out of thousands of cases, we’ve assembled the weirdest things that have actually happened in family court, for your reading pleasure.

1.     This very legitimate claim for spousal support

Between 2014 and 2015 this couple attended court to have spousal support, among other things, decided by a judge. As part of her claim for financial need, the applicant stated that “She requires $755 per month to own and maintain 10 cats and five dogs.” We can imagine.

Spousal support for pers

2.     This romantic meeting

The parties in this case met through the dating website:  www.millionairematch.com. Although many cases do state where the spouses initially met, very few of them trace back to millionaire exclusive dating sites. We are currently looking into membership requirements.

3.     When this judge got real sassy in a decision

Justice Pazaratz does not have time for your BS. He starts the decision to this extensive divorce case by expressing: "Why did parents of modest means choose to impoverish themselves – and their daughter’s future -- for a needlessly destructive three-year court battle? For the sake of the child? Not a chance. Custody trials are supposed to be about children.  But 36 days – that speaks volumes about the parents.”

4.     THIS TRULY POINTLESS DISPUTE

“The parties could not settle a difference of $34.84 concerning the value of the Canadian Tire account.” With lawyer’s hourly rates starting around $200, we don’t even want to think about how expensive this argument over $34.84 was. If we could go back, we might offer to pay for this one ourselves.

Expensive divorce

5.     This cast of (very expensive) characters

Although most divorce cases deal with splitting assets like cars, property, and furniture, one 2016 case dealt with the allocation of 14 decorated horses. These highly sought after animals had the coolest names we’ve ever heard: Amoré, Frenchman, Ilian, Rythym, Taboo, Tangaroo, U2, Une, Ute, Vodka, Voodoo, Watch Me, Whisper and Winston. 

6.     More contentious than the horses, was their sperm

It turns out, pure bread horse semen is quite the hot seller. After dividing the horses, Judge J. Wein was tasked with allocating the nearly $30,000 worth of semen to the to-be divorcees.

7.     Return of the sassy judge: Breaking Bad edition

Justice Pazaratz makes a second appearance in our list of outrageous court occurrences for this reference to the hit series Breaking Bad: "Breaking Bad, meet Breaking Bad Parents.” He goes onto metaphorically insult the parents, stating: “BREAKING BAD PARENTS:  When smart, loving, caring, sensible mothers and fathers suddenly lose their parental judgment and embark on relentless, nasty litigation; oblivious to the impact on their children”. Oh Pazaratz, keep ‘em coming.

8.     One cow mauling

“In 2005, however, she was mauled by a cow”. It was with complete seriousness and profound sympathy that Justice Kent included this statement in one couple’s court decision. The victim’s injuries healed, but a deep rooted fear of cattle remains.

Divorce case involving cow mauling

9.     Finally, this poor couple, Who just could not sort it out

More so shocking than funny, this couple needed almost 60 court dates to settle their dispute. The cover page of their court-ordered agreement clarifies: HEARD at Toronto: November 13-23, 2012, December 6, 2012, February 25-28, 2013, October 7, 2013, December 9-19, 2013, January 6-30, 2014, April 7-14, 2014, June 23, 2014 and July 28-30, 2014. Holy cannoli!

Not all divorces have to be this tumultuous- Thistoo can help you get through your divorce in a shorter time and at a lesser cost. Get started on your uncontested separation agreement.